Where I Met My Other Self
21 miles west of Jal, 11:15 a.m. (written July 27, 2010 but never posted)
At a dry and dusty not too muskydusky oil/cow field. Jal is a delight -- a big goat pen in town, goats tied up a long the street to graze up the roadside grass.
I am next to last in a waiting line of 6 I think trucks, facing an oil drilling rig where no activity is active, enjoying a cup of freshly just this moment brewed organic Ethiopian -- this from back in the expensive finely ground North Dakotan place.
Jal is in the other New Mexico, the eastern half, the badlands as Marty Robbins said. It's where the great plains end, a no man's land between Texas and the desert mountains and the Indian lands. This was the zone of death for them. Not many were not murdered who tried to hold on to their lands out here in the open. The Llano Estacado, or staked plane.
Well. A pickup just arrived and the group of jobknawing trucks is dispersing -- maybe some activity is forthwithall.
Hmm, seems no activity did actuate, nor actualization activate to para the style of the Iliad...which I am still plunging forthrough.
Last night as I lay meditating I glimpsed and felt what I suspect is my first true glimpse of what I hear these literary critics of the Writing 101 type refer to as treating your characters lovingly or something like that...I was thinking of that guy who kept contradicting me in the little truck stop in Tonopah, next to Tonopah Joes...out past Phoenix where I have gone too many times...he is a type I fester on and am fascinated by.
Anyway I saw him in this new light, which I can’t relate to at the moment but I did manage later in the evening last night to return to it once again.
I think it emanates from a point of view that has been evolving in me...coming I think from as a result of the little yoga I've been practicing and the incremental self mental discipline I’ve been cultivating perhaps correlative to...although there has been much negative thought about me and the family relationship but there has been a stubbornness to give up on faith although I continue to reject all the common mechanisms for belief.
Anyway as this evolution I have been realizing that I have been and need to be putting myself more in a positive energy frame of mind, must live in joy...It is the good Spirit of which Jesus speaks I think...joy and love....for my fellow beings.
Anyway there’s been some driving back and forth of the standard issue white pickups but not unloadative activity thus hence.