Sunday, September 25, 2011

Chimpanzee Sex:

Give Us Your Tired, Your Hog Tied, Your Troubled Toe Suckers


Dick Morris, the always entertaining if morbidly so Republican friend and advisor to Democrat Bill Clinton and erstwhile enemy of Hillary, is suggesting that President Obama might pull a Lyndon B Johnson and not run for re-election.

Morris, citing his own predication that in 2012 Republicans will win not only the White House but will increase their majority in the House and surge to a veto-proof majority in the Senate, all owing to Obama's unpopularity as of this past week, bases his conjecture that Obama will drop out on an unnamed Democratic operative saying "It's possible."





It's possible, too, that Morris fathered a child with a chimpanzee named Lotus Marie who was quickly whisked away to the San Diego Zoo, and is trying to make sure the media never catches on by breathlessly fantasizing about the Democratic Party's latest total demise (recall Karl Rove's similar predictions.)

Morris (who taught Clinton the unsavory art of triangulation -- which amounts to adopting Republican positions, thereby undercutting their support, and in doing so dumping on your base because you know they have no place else to go -- which art Obama has been busily perfecting), you will recall, left the Clinton administration when it came to light that he was letting a prostitute listen in on phone conversations between himself and Clinton. It also came to light that there was toe toe sucking involved with his contract employee, who we'll call Toe Jam Tanya.

Later Morris took after Hillary in a serious way, and in the 2008 election cycle was pushing for a race between Hillary and Condoleeza Rice, fantasies of which may have made Morris go home every night and try to suck his own toes.

It always seems amazing when a Dick Morris or a Karl Rove or a Dick Cheney or an Oliver North is found to be so perverse, or corrupt or dishonest as the case may be that it turns most peoples' stomachs, and yet they never leave Washington or a short time later are back in business there.

When I was reporting, I had a rule of thumb. When it came to corruption (law breaking, theft, sex, sex crimes, and all of that) I heard half of what happened, and of that half I could prove half of it well enough to put it in the paper.

In other words, what you read is 1/4 of what happens, if my rule of thumb holds true throughout Journalism. I suspect that since Journalism has declined even further since I left it, in that there are fewer traditional media outlets staffed with experienced trained reporters and the ones that have hung on have significantly reduced their staffs, the proportion or wrongdoing we hear about has decreased correspondingly.

That's one happy thought, isn't it?

On the bright side, we don't have to pay to train people to replace the Dick Morrises, and sit around bored half to death waiting for them to learn the craft as they work their way up through pornography, pants wetting and chicken molesting before they finally reach the big time.




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