Tuesday, December 6, 2011


If you are tired of changing the time on your digital watch every time the time changes between daylight savings and standard time, consider this ingenious solution:

Instead of trying to change the time on your watch, just change watches.

I don't know which time we're on now, standard or daylight savings, and I don't care. Having to change time is a pain in the ass. I've heard various stories for why we do it. It was for the railroads. Whatever that means. It's so factory owners can save money on their light bills. It's so it would always be dark when Herbert Hoover's wife went for her morning bare naked run through the streets of the capital. Richard Nixon started it during that time when he was doing drugs and studying voodoo.

Whatever the reason, I don't, as I say, care. It's an inconvenience I don't need. It always takes me a day to realize the time has changed and meanwhile I'm an hour late or hour early for everything, but mainly I hate it because I have to change the time on my watch.

I wear the $10 digital watches made in China. The Chinese people make wonderful watches. They keep perfect time. Every year the watches are fancier, cheaper, and do more things. They are stop watches and chronographs. They are alarm clocks, even if you have to be wide awake and holding the watch up to your ear to know the alarm is going off. They work underwater and in outer space. They do trigonometry, taxonomy and astrology. They tell you how much wallpaper you need to buy for your bathroom. The newer ones tell you Oprah's weight, both real and advertised. The readout flashes back and forth between the two.

But for all the Chinese watchmakers' prowess they do not know how to make it easy to set the time on their watches. There is no such thing as one-click time setting. To set or change the time, you have to push a series of different buttons, first to change the hour, then again for the minutes, and again for the seconds, and after I figure out how to set the hour and want to set the minutes, I can't even remember which buttons I just pushed to set the hour, let alone, when it's time to adjust for the change in time, remember which I buttons I just pushed six months ago the last time the time changed.

And so solving this problem was a personal moment of triumph for me, and I say that with the realization that you may be thinking; 'There are poor children in Africa who can only afford one cheap $10 digital watch,' or you may be thinking, 'If coming up with that idea was a personal moment of triumph for him, he has not had very many personal moments of triumph in his life,' which although it may be true, is beside the point, as far as I'm concerned.

Now here's a tangentially related video of the Chambers Brothers doing a strangely truncated version of their song Time Has Come Today on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1969.


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