Thursday, September 25, 2014

I Can Push This Update Through For You

Two updates.

1. I wrote a self congratulatory post yesterday about how I got my computer to come on after I spilled coffee on the keyboard by heating the computer up in the oven for two days. After I posted it I discovered I can't get it to turn off.

2. In the post before that one I'd wondered if I'd be able to get my Comcast service turned off. I did, I think.

It only took six phone calls, seven if you count the call from them. To cancel I had to call a special 800 number, where of course a retention specialist was lying in wait to offer me special favors like doubling my internet speed for free and free HBO for I can't remember how long.

Let me say here that I always get the slowest high speed internet, because I always thought electricity traveled the same speed, 186,000 miles per second, no matter what.

But about this young woman, I assume they get bonuses for flipping people so I wanted to save her the time she'd spend on me so she could spend it on someone who might possibly change their mind, but I ended up giving her quite a sermon about morality, hard working people, and $89 billion corporations not delivering services after they're paid for, which she listened to patiently and will probably keep in her confidence.

Afterward my paranoia made me wish I hadn't said anything, because what if they send what I said to a contractor who spends months analyzing it and then uses what they learn to train people at Comcast how to keep getting money from people like me, and instead of for providing internet service that goes out at 8 a.m. and doesn't come on again until late in the day, for not doing anything at all.

The phone call I got from them later on in the day still amuses and baffles me. It was a young African American male who spoke something like Barak Obama, not at all like Chris Rock. He said he was from corporate.

"I see a disconnect order here for you," he said.

He had woke me up. I mumbled in the affirmative.

After a pause he said, "I can push that through for you."

I couldn't think of a response. He seemed to be trying sound like my order was one of many things that had crossed his busy desk that day, and in fact that things continued to fly across his desk as we spoke.

After another pause he said, "OK, I'll go ahead and push that through for you."

I said thanks. After another pause we said goodbye and goodbye and hung up.


  1. I hate talking to corporate robots (either human or real). And even worse are the megas like Verizon who make it impossible to talk to anyone in their domain. Long story short it could be worse than coffee. Many years ago with our schools new Apple II I went to a early morning training class in a fancy motel, took a backdoor shortcut through a pool area and fell headfirst computer and all into the kidee pool. Try to explain the nonworking computer to your boss later in the day....:)

    1. Yikes. That's a good story, however. Thanks for stopping by.

      It made me think, too, about why we enjoy other peoples' misfortunes. I think it has something to do with just being happy it isn't us this time. Self effacing humor, slap stick, people getting boinked on the head, I think it disarms us.

      It also reminds me of the one where the woman notifies her husband that the car won't start. What's the problem, he says. She says the carburetor is flooded. The husband is amused. How would you now that, he said. She tells him to go look in the pool.